I'm in a super good mood today. my period has been over for three days and my hormones are regulating, so i've been my normal happy self! Lily is feeling better. She's in a playful mood and swinging in her swing. and i showered, got dressed, put my hair up and left the house all before 11:30am! I have my therapy to go to today, so I hope that that will help out some. It's group, so a bunch of other moms who have PPD. I'm skeptical of how its going to help, but it wont hurt to give it a shot. If it does work out, then i am going to look into one on one therapy to see if that will further help things.
Lily started laughing today, its really cute. and i've noticed she really likes to grab things and feel things. (She rubs Ryan's blanket when laying in bed with me)

Well, this is so weird, today was another down day, not as bad as a few nights ago, but still pretty bad... i think i need to try a different medication. I go see the doctor on May 5th for Lily's 4 month check up, so i'll ask about it then.
Lily's been sleeping a lot lately, but i think thats because she's sick. She is getting better, but she's still grumpy just before going to sleep and has a runny nose. But other then that, nothing else to say.

This was me yesterday. You can see the sadness in my whole face, but you can really see it in my eyes. I took this picture so I can look back and see how I have progressed.

And this was me the next day. Just that one day made a HUGE difference.

Motherhood, It's a struggle

Anyone who is a mother, or even a father would agree, it's not all peaches and cream. and even when you see others having a hard time, you never truly understand until you have one of you own. Add postpartum into the mix and you've got yourself a craptastick time!
No day is the same. I can never tell if today is going to be a good day or a bad day until it's happening. Yesterday for instance was a HORRIBLE day and even after Lily was at my dads, I was still uber depressed. I felt horrible and useless and just wanted to run away. Lily was sick and I just couldnt cope with her constant crying. I havent felt that down in a long time. It seems that just as things are starting to look up, i crash big time. I dont know what women used to do before treatment and when they had to do EVERYTHING with no help from the fathers. I would've gone nuts and who knows what I would have done. Today was a much better day for me and hopefully tomorrow will be good too!